What not to say to a loved one with ED

Parents: How to Talk to your Child with an Eating Disorder

**Of utmost importance is not allowing yourself to spend any time in denial. If you suspect that your son/daughter has an eating disorder, or is showing early signs, get help immediately. Find someone in your region who has specialized knowledge about eating disorders - talk to this professional, and talk to your child. Do not delay. Eating disorders are potentially life-threatening, and all research points to early intervention as a key factor in successful recovery and/or prevention.**

What to say/what not to say

Avoid talk and mention of body weight/shape/size at all possible costs. This will almost always be misconstrued in their minds into a negative comment or insult. It may be unavoidable in the doctor's office, but at home it is most constructive to avoid this topic, as little good will come of raising it.
Instead, tell them you are concerned about their health (without mentioning weight). Saying "you're too thin" may be secretly celebrated; saying "I'm glad you've gained weight" or "you look healthier" may be perceived as "you look fat".
No matter how frustrated you are, don't approach him/her with anger - it will only serve to push him/her further away from you.
Prepare to be met with incredible resistance - anger, withdrawal, silence, denial - these are the ugly faces of the eating disorder itself - not of your child. The illness has taken hold of her brain and therefor personality as well. Try as much as possible to see these difficult behaviours as a result of the illness, and not your child "being difficult" or "refusing to get well".
Keep the lines of communication as open as possible, in a respectful, compassionate and non-judgemental way. Your child is likely very fearful, deep down, and wishes he/she were more able to open up to you about the constant torment occurring in his/her head.
You may be tempted to plead, bribe, nag or threaten in an attempt to encourage or coerce your child into eating. These methods are not effective and will only work against your relationship with your child in the long run.
Many children with eating disorders have an unwavering desire to be perfect. Emphasize that you love your child not because they are perfect, but for everything else that makes them who they are (and specify what these components are). Encourage and even celebrate imperfections, both in your child and in the world in general.
Do not get involved in endless discussions/debates about fat and calories. They only serve to foster the obsessions the child already has, and make matters worse.
Don't forget to have fun with your loved one. A movie or shopping trip can give the person a glimpse of some of the benefits of living and enjoying the moment. Don't spoil the event with lots of talk about food.
Celebrate and show love to your child outside of obvious "accomplishments" like academic grades or winning a soccer game. Validate your child's worth based on who they are as a person and not their accomplishments - things like the way they make other people feel, their passions and/or character strengths.

A great list of tips and helpful conversation guide can be found *here*, provided by the Canadian National Eating Disorder Information Centre.

*here*